Even if it's the Last Thing I Do
by chasingowls
Summary: Have you ever felt like you're spinning madly out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop? You try to grasp on to only thing that's kept you grounded but that is the very thing that is missing, that's caused you this pain and misery.


Have you ever felt like you're spinning madly out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop? You try to grasp on to only thing that's kept you grounded but that is the very thing that is missing, that's caused you this pain and misery.

I've spent my entire life mastering the art of shutting people out. Can you blame me? My father basically abandoned me as a child and my mother was unexplainably absent. I didn't belong at home, so I ran, I always run.

Then I finally came across people who promised to be there for me. They were my family now, at least that's what they said. Well, one of them left me. She died. And I couldn't help but feel that familiar feeling of abandonment creeping its way back in. I know that it is selfish of me to feel that way because she's dead, but she promised! She said she'd never leave me…and she did.

At least I still had _him_. We found a home and I met other people who became like my family. But he was the only one I really trusted and he kept me stable. He promised to never leave me. He did for a short time and I was okay with that because he was coming back. When he came back he was different, distant. He stopped spending time with me and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. He shut me out completely and I was left feeling alone yet again.

That's when I officially decided. These walls are going up and they are never coming down. _Don't trust anyone, because they'll leave you too_. I shut everyone out and this time it's permanent.

But then another boy came into my life. He was different and I felt it. He was kind and loyal, he had this beautiful personality I didn't know anyone could possess. I tried to push this feeling away by being mean to him but it didn't work. We became fast friends and surprisingly I opened up to him within the first week of knowing him. I trusted someone again.

Then the old boy did something unforgivable, he tried to get rid of the new boy. My heart broke. This boy was supposed to always be there for and when he wasn't someone else took his place and then he tries to kill him!

I want to hate him but I can't. This hurts my new friend, he doesn't say anything but I can see it in his beautiful eyes.

We become closer. He guards my life and I guard his. It's me and him against the world. He makes me feel happier than I have ever been in my entire life. He's the most amazing person I have ever met. He's my best friend.

And I was falling in love with him. Fast.

It terrified me. This boy was able to walk into my life and tear down the walls I worked so hard to build.

But then there was a new girl. She liked him. He started spending more and more time with him, and me like an idiot became jealous and lashed out.

He started pulling away and it hurt.

Then he went and almost got himself killed in attempt to protect me. So I did the only thing I could think of, I grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him.

He disappeared for two weeks and I thought that my heart had been ripped out of my chest. When he did come back he had been with yet _another_ girl. Can't he see what he does to me! That I _love_ him! And he's making me so mad and sad at the same time!

Then I didn't see him for a while and my feelings grew stronger.

Then of course he comes back and then goes off and does something completely and incredibly stupid! But when he comes back he acts differently towards me. He smiles wistfully at me every time we part like he wants to say something but can't.

It's just us again, against everyone and everything in the world. He's in danger and I sense it so I jump in front of him and watch as he looks down at me in horror. He picks me up and shields me like I'm the most important person in the world.

I get taken to get help. I'm really sick now. He comes to see me and is so sweet and caring that it makes my heart ache. I love him. He tells me to rest and not to come back out but I do anyway because I can't leave him.

Suddenly I'm faced with the boy I once knew asking me if I ever loved him. I look behind me to my love, he's beaten and tired but still looks as handsome as ever. My eyes fill with tears as I turn back and say No. because that boy lost me the second _he _walked into my life.

I go back to him and his warm embrace as my heart beats _iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou._

He tells me that I'm his anchor; I lose all my self-control and kiss him with all of my being. I pull back to find that beautiful lopsided grin I've grown to adore.

And I am his and he is mine.

He tells me he'll never leave me and that I am his everything.

He lied.

He leaves and I am left heartbroken once again.

I know it's not his fault, it really isn't.

He's in trouble and I have to find him. I can't live without him and this becomes clear when he leaves. I don't know where he is and he probably doesn't either. He means the world to me. I _have _to find him. The world needs him…I need him.

As I look out at the ocean and feel the sand underneath my feet, all the hurt numbs and determined thought crosses my mind:

I _will _find Percy Jackson even if it's the last thing I do.


End file.
